"For women the best aphrodisiac is words, the G-spot is in the ears, whoever looks further down is wasting his time," confessed writer Isabel Allende years ago in an interview with the Brazilian version of Playboy. Not all of us are the same, some turn on with a detailed and not at all modest explanation of what is going to happen next, others with a compliment to their genitals (this works best when the flattered thing is the penis, it is rarer for a woman to get turned on by hearing 'oh, what a beautiful vulva') and others repeating loudly "how small they are, how small they are!", like one of Fleabag's lovers. From a simple 'fuck me' to 'I'm going to put you on all fours and give you yours and your cousin's, slut'. Anything goes if you like it.
What is dirty talk?
Literally means dirty talk and refers to doing it during sex (in the office you may be misunderstood). In plain English, it would be what has always been known as dirty talk. The erotic value of words escapes no one, that's why the first erotic texts date back to 2,600 BC, that's why 'Fifty Shades of Grey' was a resounding bestseller and that's why hot lines are still a more than profitable business.
As Justin J. Lehmiller, a researcher at the Kinsey Institute, explains in an article published in Psychology Today, 93 percent of women, 90 percent of men and 86 percent of non-binary people fantasize about engaging in dirty talk. The data are drawn from a study Lehmiller himself conducted on sexual fantasies.
Do you have to use foul language? Not necessarily, what is convenient is to say things to each other that excite and do not make us feel uncomfortable. To achieve this it is best to get to know each other or start with something soft and go evaluating the reaction of the partner. Are you afraid of making a fool of yourself? Get over it. As long as you do not use diminutives or nicknames for genitals everything will be fine. Just think that there are couples who always do it in the dark out of embarrassment, do you realize what they are missing out on?
What benefits does it have on the couple?
The dirty talk promotes intimacy, imagination, excitement and helps us to enjoy more and better. According to science, listening to or pronouncing words and expressions in a high pitched tone provokes chemical reactions in our brain. Dopamine transmission is stimulated and desire increases.
If you feel like it, go ahead, and if you don't know if you'll like it because you've never tried it, it's a fantastic way to warm up and get out of the routine, to innovate without risking too much. If you finally discover that silence or ambient noise is your thing, then move on to something else.
Examples of dirty talk
Start with something simple and tell her how you are, how you feel or what you feel like happening next, but not like 'I'm fine, here, thinking about making chicken rice for dinner'. Opt better for 'I'm soaking wet', 'spread my legs and eat me whole', or 'I'm on my way, take off your panties.'
Slightly plagiarizing Henry Miller, 'I want to fuck wildly', 'we haven't started fucking yet', 'I love your pussy, Maria del Carmen, it drives me crazy' are phrases that never fail. (Eye, Maria del Carmen is just an example, better use your partner's name).
If you're just starting out and you want to fuck, you can use the name of your partner.
If you are just starting and you don't know how to do it, you can start by telling him what you liked the last time, what turns you on the most about his body or telling him about a sexual fantasy that you haven't revealed yet.
Our tips if you are a beginner in dirty talk
- A good way to get into the world of dirty talk is to start with sexting. That is, before verbalizing out loud desires and off-color comments, put them in writing. It's easier and you'll probably be less embarrassed.
- Be careful with the tone, sometimes a "come" in the ear with the right intonation is enough.
- Don't jump into the pool with swear words like slut, bastard or whore. It is dangerous to go down that road without first knowing how the other person will receive them.
- Measure the moment, maybe a 'I'm going to put you on all fours' while talking on the phone to his mother won't make his legs shake.
- Humor is also a good aphrodisiac, so 'you put it in me like a packet of prince crackers', 'I've seen darts less hard than this' or 'I hope you have another cover for this sofa', can work as an icebreaker, but make sure you share the same kind of sense of humor.
- It's advisable to know your partner so that overly obscene language doesn't lower their libido to the floor.
- Don't force yourself to say things that make you feel uncomfortable.
- Don't know what to say? Moan and gasp.