“How to reach orgasm at the same time as your partner?”. The fact that this question returns almost seven million search results on Google must mean that many of you are interested in the topic (yes, we're very insightful!). There are literally tons of articles out there with ‘highly-original’ titles like "7 tricks to reach orgasm at the same time", "5 tips to reach orgasm together", "6 ways to reach orgasm with your partner", "All the ways to reach orgasm at the same time as your partner" (at least the last one doesn't use a ‘magic number’). It’s not an easy task — especially with the sheer amount of absurd advice freely circulating out there. Well, I suppose we’ll wade in with our two cents’ worth as well. However, we promise that these two cents will at least help you some way towards the realisation of this goal.
Real sex is nothing like how it's depicted in porn — that's something we've always tried to make clear. However, those romantic movies aren't particularly realistic either. Clothes won't slowly fall to the floor while you delicately undress each other (they never show the moment they take off their socks). You won't both climax quickly and simultaneously as you contemplate each other in almost spiritual union. Not to mention that hardly anyone uses sheets any more and that it's much more difficult to casually, yet sexily wrap your body up in a feather duvet afterwards.
Let's demystify sex and also the idea of reaching orgasm in exactly the same moment. It's an experience, of course — and a very good one. However, sex isn’t any worse if you arrive before and your partner arrives after — or vice versa. Wanting a better sex-life is commendable and only natural. But for some, 'cumming together' can turn into an obsession that can transform a night of passion into a frustrating and dissatisfying experience.
Recommendations for reaching orgasm with your partner
We use the word 'recommendations', girls and guys, because this isn't magic or science. It’s not achieved with a dose of penicillin or with a Fairy Godmother waving her wand to the rhythm of "bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo" — but there are certain things that do help
- Knowing precisely what brings you to orgasm is a good start. Which caresses excite you the most? How does your body respond when faced with different stimuli? What you like doing alone and in company? And, what exactly you expect from each other?
- Get to know your partner's body and preferences. This, needless to say, is not achieved in one day — it's not dinner, a movie and then a simultaneous orgasm. According to sexologists, couples who climax at the same time are usually in long-term relationships.
- Remember that penetration isn't the only path to mutual joy. Sex encompasses the first caress to the last kiss — and everything else in between. For example, your partner might have explosive orgasms through nipple stimulation, but oral might leave them feeling indifferent. The word ‘communication’ neatly summarises the best possible approach. Be aware of your partner — get to know how they breathe or how they open their mouth when the excitement overflows — and act accordingly. This is by no means the same as constantly asking 'how are you doing?', 'how much do you need?', 'do you like it this way?', or 'are you nearly there?'. Sometimes, you can speak too much.
- If you feel like you've tried everything and you're falling into despair, most articles on this subject mention the importance of 'looking into each other's eyes' (like in a romantic Hollywood movie). Obviously, this limits the number of positions you can use, and although eye contact may be exciting, maintaining it throughout can be slightly off-putting — to say the least. If you're still up for it, keep some drops handy in case your eyes get dry from not blinking.
One last thing — it's not more romantic and achieving it doesn't mean that person is 'the one'. So, leave the mysticism to Meg. Sometimes it’s due to pure luck, and at other times is due to mutual awareness and knowledge. Enjoy every orgasm; the solo ones and the shared ones; the spontaneous ones and the planned ones; the fleeting ones and the ones that last a lifetime. Appreciate all of them or they might get angry and stop turning up. And you definitely wouldn’t want that!