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Safe sex or genital warts — wanna play?

Yes, this is 2020, and yes it still makes sense to be writing about safe sex. People still need to be reminded about why and how they should use a condom. All the stats spell it out — the number of sexually transmitted diseases has grown and condom use has gone down. We hear the same old tired lines over and over again: “But it doesn't feel the same,” But I can't cum with it on”, “But it feels too tight”. But let's be honest, in this day and age — those excuses don't fly no more (if they ever did). On top of that, you've got hundreds of articles online like "The most common mistakes when using condoms", "How to enjoy sex with a condom" or "When to put on a condom". All seeming to suggest that sex education campaigns have not had the desired effect on generations that have grown up with no fear of genital warts.

We've always said that if you find condoms too inconvenient, you’ll certainly find gonorrhoea even less enjoyable (but who knows? — different strokes for different folks and all that). So you have a partner and you plan to spend the rest of your lives hand-in-hand until you both melt together like a warm fondue? Well, according to the statistics, more than 30% of us have confessed to cheating on our partners (of course, that percentage only includes those that have actually owned up). Now, we assure you that it's not much fun to discover that you've been cheated on more times than Melania Trump, and finding out your partner has given you genital herpes is no reason to throw a party.

Can you enjoy sex with a condom?

We repeat — this is 2020 not the Middle Ages! Now we don't have to use a linen cloth or a sheep's bladder as a makeshift prophylactic! The industry has moved on and the there is huge choice. There are extra thin ones, flavoured and textured ones, those with a stimulating lubricant to increase the intensity of your orgasms or make the sex last longer; latex-free ones for people with allergies; and of course, they are available in all shapes and sizes. So don't let him get away with “It just doesn't feel the same”.

Condoms are not only the most effective contraceptives, but they also protect us against sexual transmitted diseases and infections. According to the World Health Organisation, a million new cases of sexually transmitted infections are diagnosed each day. One out of every 25 people between the ages of 15 and 49 years old is infected with gonorrhoea, syphilis, chlamydia or trichomoniasis — the four most common STIs. And some other big news — many of these carriers are attractive, smartly-dressed and completely asymptomatic (no oozing rashes or puss-filled spots to be seen). So leave aside your prejudices because you can be infected by anyone.

We recommend that you make putting on the condom a part of foreplay. Don't treat it as a cumbersome obligation—make it a hot and sexy part of the whole ritual. Another tip is to always keep them within reach—for example; in a bedside drawer. Having to get up and frantically search through the house can make even the hardest boner go limp.

Mistakes that can make the effectiveness of condoms vanish into thin air

As you know, condoms are 98% effective; nevertheless, there are common mistakes that can increase the failure rate from 2 to a whopping 18%.

Scary, huh? Well, pay close attention and you’ll be just fine... Condoms go out of date and they also break under certain conditions. So first of all, avoid at all costs using the condom you've had in your wallet since you were a horny 16 year old. Also, plan in advance and buy them from a reputable establishment. That's means not having to resort to borrowing one from your dodgy mate Dave and not having to buy one from a grimy machine next to the stinking urinals in a nightclub toilet at four in the morning. .

What about opening it with your teeth? This might seem like a sure-fire sexy way to impress whoever you're with, but you’ll most probably just break it. ...And putting it on with your mouth? This trick should only be performed by an experienced professional, and because you're not that—use the hands that god gave you. Can I reuse it? Oh, PLEEEAZE! Tell me you didn't actually ask that?! Yes, we know the sex education we receive leaves a lot to be desired...but there are things that are just so completely and utterly out of the question! (The short answer is ‘no’ if you were still wondering).

We love sex. We highly recommend practising it in all its forms and in every position — it's part of life. However, so too are infections and diseases. So why not simply enjoy the sex and avoid the other stuff? It's heaps more fun that way.