Pornocracy — a government by prostitutes (when the Vatician smelt of blood and semen)

Pornocracy — a government by prostitutes (when the Vatician smelt of blood and semen)
Sara Martínez 7/31/2020

They say that truth is stranger than fiction, and nothing gets any stranger than the truths that have been dug up (and covered over, obviously) at the Vatican over the years. Indeed, controversy is nothing new for the Catholic Church. It was already up to its neck in sexual, financial and political scandals way before the events that’ll be recounted here. Nevertheless, let's set the foundations of this article (and of life itself). As everyone knows, woman is seduced by evil and then in turn — she seduces man. It's been like that since the dawn of time (in other words — since the serpent convinced Eve to bite the apple and dragged her faithful companion along with her). Of course, the failures of the first woman, must have its consequences — like the pain of childbirth and the gender pay gap. This is the word of the Lord.

The fact that the Catholic Church, governed strictly by men, has been plagued by corruption, political and sexual scandals is irrelevant. Even something as lurid as digging up a pope, putting his remains in a chair and putting him on trial to finally find him guilty, mutilate his body and throw it in the river — that's the least of it. What's really ghastly is when two intelligent, ambitious and strategically-minded women dared to get their claws into the Holy See.That my friends, is a true scandal and should not be tolerated under any circumstances. They were Theodora and Marozia — a mother and daughter who gave name to a period of almost six decades. "This woman, together with her daughter, the Pope's prostitute, filled the papal chair with her bastard children, turning her palace into a den of thieves," says the poet and priest Eugene Vulgarius. The premise is clear — behind every bad man, there's always a much worse woman. Welcome to pornocracy.

Wherever you look, the definition is the same, "a government characterized by the great influence of female courtesans on public affairs," in short — a government by prostitutes. Although, to be fair, this definition seems to forget that the influence that lovers exerted on affairs of state was independent of gender. Let’s not believe that their holinesses did not admit beautiful young men into their beds as well. Anyway, they were the famous ones — installing and overthrowing popes to their hearts' content between 904 and 964. The mother, Theodora, was married to Theophylact but was not a big fan of monogamy. She was the lover of Pope John X, with whom she gave birth to her daughter Marozia, and also of Sergius III (a very nice man who was an active and willing participant in the aforementioned Cadaver Trial). Like in the best American soap operas, Marozia took her mother's place in Sergio III's bed when she was 14 years old and, of course, she fell pregnant (that's what adolescence does — it's a very fertile period).

Marriages, strange deaths, conspiracies and lots of sex, much better than Godfather III (and without Sofia Coppola's terrible acting). Marozia — lover, mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother of various pontiffs, spent her last days locked-up in the Castel Sant'Angelo. Formidable, ambitious, women — more skilful than the best military strategist, knew how to get on in a man's world.. They've gone down in history as the whores of the Vatican — but luxury whores. Bless their hearts.


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